Life is Fulfilled Beyond Our “Feel-Good” Pursuits

Notes: Beyond Techniques: Abiding Facts About Christian Counseling by Alex Mathew

The basic need of mankind is to be justified and pronounced righteous, reconciled through faith, regenerate and reborn, called to holiness and sanctification....

But, we try to fulfill our needs with anything but the Truth and therefore we have great turmoil and chaos within our souls, and minds and it manifests as a result of our choices and our world, nations, communities and neighborhoods and families are impacted. 

We must gain wisdom  to know the difference between human ways and the ways of God, not as people who prefer to walk the broad and easy path, which leads to the obvious destination. We need to walk the narrow path to salvation and lead each other up that way. Doing this is neither easy nor readily welcomed. However, that is what we must do to lead one another to the Truth and into our place within the True Vine: Jesus Christ. 

My Identity- 

The Truth is - “If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it.” Mark 8:35 

My Accomplishments- 

The Truth is - “Jesus knew that the mission was now finished, and to fulfill Scripture he said, “I am thirsty....When Jesus had tasted it, he said, “It is finished!”

John 19:28, 30 

My Exaltation - 

The Truth is - “For by his great power he rules forever. He watches every movement of the nations; let no rebel rise in defiance. Interlude” Psalms 66:7

My Righteousness - 

The Truth is- “Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes.”

Ephesians 1:4

My Strength - 

The Truth is - “But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength so that I might preach the Good News in its entirety...”

2 Timothy 4:17 

My Understanding- 

The Truth is- “I will give you what you asked for! I will give you a wise and understanding heart such as no one else has had or ever will have! And I will also give you what you did not ask for...” 1 Kings 3:12-13 

My Wisdom- 

The Truth is- “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” James 1:5 

My Self- 

The Truth is- ““The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” Jeremiah 17:9 “For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.”

Romans 3:23 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5 

My Integrity- 

The Truth is - “But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction... but you, are of God; so run from all these evil things. Pursue righteousness and a godly life, along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness. Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have declared so well before many witnesses. And I charge you before God, who gives life to all, and before Christ Jesus, who gave a good testimony before Pontius Pilate, that you obey this command without wavering. Then no one can find fault with you from now until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again. For, At just the right time Christ will be revealed from heaven by the blessed and only almighty God, the King of all kings and Lord of all lords. He alone can never die, and he lives in light so brilliant that no human can approach him. No human eye has ever seen him, nor ever will. All honor and power to him forever! Amen.” 1 Timothy 6:9, 11-16 

My Problems - 

The Truth is- “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." James 1:2-4 “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” Romans 5:3-5 “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

My Reliance- 

The Truth is - “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3:5-6 

My Excuses- 

The Truth is- “leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.”

Matthew 5:24 “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” James 5:16 “Do to others as you would like them to do to you.”

Luke 6:31 

My Wealth - 

The Truth is - “Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. Tell them to use their money to do good. They should be rich in good works and generous to those in need, always being ready to share with others.” 1 Timothy 6:17-18 “The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it. The world and all its people belong to him.”Psalms 24:1 “Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the best part of everything you produce. Then he will fill your barns with grain, and your vats will overflow with good wine.”Proverbs 3:9-10 

My Love - 

The Truth is - ““For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”

John 3:16 

My Hurts- 

The Truth is - ““But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.” Luke 6:27-28 

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” Philippians 2:3-4

My Responsibilities- 

The Truth is- ““Why are you so angry?” the Lord asked Cain. “Why do you look so dejected? You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.””Genesis 4:6-7 ““If you love me, obey my commandments.” John 14:15 “But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.” James 1:22 “Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.” James 4:17 

My Marriage- 

The Truth is- “The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.”

1 Corinthians 7:4 “God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3 “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.”

Hebrews 13:4 

My Authority - 

The Truth is- “But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave.” Matthew 20:26-27 

The Source of Strength to Endure in Sexual Purity

“Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭4:25-26‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“For a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭5:21‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.”
‭‭John‬ ‭15:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭105:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“You have said, "Seek my face." My heart says to you, "Your face, Lord, do I seek."”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭27:8‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“You who fear the Lord, trust in the Lord! He is their help and their shield.”
‭‭Psalm 115:111

“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭5:3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.”
‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭2:3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“He who loves purity of heart, and whose speech is gracious, will have the king as his friend.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭22:11‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Leviticus Chapter 18

“older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.”
‭‭1 Timothy‬ ‭5:2‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭6:18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭9:27‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“And he took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me."”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭22:19‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“Therefore, holy brothers, you who share in a heavenly calling, consider Jesus, the apostle and high priest of our confession,”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭3:1‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
‭‭1 John‬ ‭1:9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”
‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭6:18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor,”
‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭4:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭13:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:28‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”
‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5:13‬ ‭ESV‬

“Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.”
‭‭James‬ ‭5:13‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“For the Lord is righteous; he loves righteous deeds; the upright shall behold his face.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭11:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“O you who love the Lord, hate evil! He preserves the lives of his saints; he delivers them from the hand of the wicked.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭97:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭7:3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Jesus is Racist Towards Sin

Jesus is racist....however he is only racist toward the inner life of the flesh, the old man of Adam within us. He hates sin. I was thinking last night that the best reason for turning away from sin is because we lovingly fear God. Specifically, we will not do a particular thing because God was willing to put his Son Jesus on the cross to pay for that particular thing.Why should we not sympathize with the beatings, and blows Jesus received for us unless we are willing to die alone and without him? Let it not be! Let us take up our cross and deny ourselves for Him! What Grace it is that the Holy Spirit works in our minds to sanctify us throughout our lives. Step by step. The weight of this truth increases in our hearts as we turn toward God the Father...as we seek His Face. Colossians 3, Galatians 5, and Hebrews 6 will increase understanding in these things. Oh Jesus’ Precious Blood! Our Father responds to the blood and body of our Savior as we apply it to our choices by faith in saying no to sin. Why would we not want to become more racist towards the correct things which is anything that destroys our lives and our communion with God? Don’t be racist towards the wrong things like skin color, gender, the rich or poor, the intelligent or simple, the skinny or fat, etc. Be racist towards those things in your nature that destroy life within you....hate, lust, pride, lying, stealing, envying, greed, laziness........sin. By faith, and through God’s Grace, ask God the Father to wash away your sins by the blood of Jesus and He will. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal your sin and in love, humility, Godly sorrow, and gratitude, let God remove your sin and replace it with Himself. Galatians 5...the evidence of God in you will be Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness and Self Control.

Living At The End of Our Ropes

The end of our ropes = More of God and His rule, and less dependence upon ourselves.

In what areas of your life do you have concern? Are things lining up in your assessment? Is God allowing those things to come to an end so that it can be revealed just how Sovereign and in control he is in bringing about the life he desires in you and for you? Coming to the end of our ropes is a blessing. It means more of God and less of the flesh. It means opportunity to trust and depend upon the living God who works out all things for good? Are you called according to his purpose in your heart, soul, mind and body? If so, let it all come to an end, and watch Him put all the pieces together in the way only he can. HE IS A LIVING GOD!

Where is your: Vision? Plan? Financial Peace? Marriage? Compassion? Unity? Peace? Purpose? True Intimacy? Relationships? Parenting? Giving? Tithing? Time? Work? Patience? Kindness? Hunger and thirst for Jesus? Bearing Fruit? Investing? Declaring the Gospel and the Mystery in Christ? Purity in mind and body? Friendships? Love? Thankfulness? Agreement in the Truth? Prayer? Faith?.....

Dear Lord God, please take all of the areas of concern and our lives. We depend on you to make all these things good in your judgment. Be all to us and in us that our lives might please you… As a testimony of what you have done. You are to receive all the glory, honor, and praise.

The Blood of Jesus

 Journal Entry 8/4/18

 The blood of Jesus is participated in by communion. Communion reveals a real spiritual reality that impacts us in the physical. How do I get the Spirit of God into me? By the blood of Jesus. The cross of Christ tows away my old man. The blood of Christ washes away the residue of that old man. The blood holds the doors open for me to go into the holy of holys. The blood was sprinkled on the cross, and if I take up my cross daily it will make me holy, and it will do in me what God wants to do. Why don’t we live the abundant life of abiding? It is because of unbelief. There are many unbelieving believers. We believe with our mind, but not with our emotions, therefore, there is great conflict. Do we really want Christ to be the answer? What are the real needs of our lives? Spiritual needs? What is my emotional concept of God? What is a person’s concept of God? Who influenced my concept of authority? Accept people for who they are not what they do. Don’t create rules for people to keep. Who is God? God is revealed in 1 John 4:8 and 1 Corinthians 13

Life Verses!!

Journal Entry 7/22/18

A long term plan of attitude and faith.

Colossians 3:12-17

Compassionate in heart, kindness, humility, meekness, patience. Love to bind all together, peace, thankfulness. Word of God, encouragement, teaching wisdom, singing, doing all for Jesus Christ. Giving thanks to the Father through Jesus Christ.

“Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:12-17‬ ‭ESV‬‬

To the God Who Does Much with Little, More with Less and Everything with Nothing

Journal Entry 7/6/18

Does abiding in Christ and trusting him in all things equal passivity? Abiding is very active. Learning to let the life of Christ flow through me alone is most productive. The activity comes in the resting and allowing God to do the work through me. God is preparing me for what I cannot do, and to work without any recognition from others. The lesser people are God’s people. All of the circumstances in my life are to prepare me for what only God can do...”The greater works than Jesus”... God uses it all not to depress me but to get me excited.  This is God‘s marvelous way. He wants to show me what I cannot do, not what I can. God‘s perfection is made known through my imperfection. God safeguards his glory through my weakness. God is using every situation in my life: marriage, finances, parenting, work, failure, and struggle to accomplish his plan.  God’s order is perfect. Truth that doesn’t land at the feet of Christ is not true. Hopeless truth equals oppression. Truth is a person that must be at the center of my heart, mind and soul. Hopeless truth, marriage problems, financial difficulty, parenting and kid issues, work issues must end with real truth which is trusting in Jesus and his promises. God is in all of it. Everything in my life is permitted by God to cause the life of Christ to flow through me. Attack hopeless truth with Jesus, THE TRUTH. Be the center of my life Jesus. Hidden in the negatives are the positives I long for, and the positives can’t be drawn out until I go into the darkroom of faith. Hebrews 11:36. The “others” trusted and never received. The greatness of faith is that it keeps me in Christ even when I receive nothing. Even if the promise never comes. Jesus is my portion forever and only Jesus. “I Am” versus “I am not”. Dear ABBA Father, be all that I am not. Bring your “ I Am” into my very spirit and mind. There is no difference between Christians. Christian growth is dependent upon which gear that Christian is in. Staying in first gear when you must get on the highway requires a perspective shift. Need to shift into higher gears, higher belief systems of faith to gain speed. Staying in first gear on the highway is like a Christian whining about their hopeless truth. They need to get the real truth, Jesus, to the center of their life in order to overcome. Shift gears into the “ I Am” gear. There isn’t anything that the nearness of Christ can’t fix in our life. Christian growth is dependent upon resting in Christ. In every situation he must remain the focus. Truth is demonstrated not preached. The person of Jesus Christ is what will keep me. What is Christianity? It is Jesus Christ himself, and abiding in him alone. Jesus is in me. Colossians 1:25-28 ——> proclaim Jesus.

Claiming to See When Blind

 Dear Father God, there is so much of the truth of your word that we believe ( Mark 8:29) yet so much we do in life that is off ( Mark 8:16,32,33) We are partially blind and we are not seeing clearly (Mark 8:24). We are not believing rightly. You always raise the bar to the next level giving us the chance to understand you and deny ourselves…deny our own ways of doing things, and deny our depending on our own understanding (Mark 8: 34-38)

To enter into your life and way we must let go of everything. Do we believe that you will provide for us if we answer your call?  Heal our blindness Lord and the selfishness in our hearts that keeps us from doing your will and supporting your daily work by faith. Your gospel is the most important issue in this world today for the souls of man. May we live for your sake and be about the Gospel.

We ask this in Jesus name.

Mark 8

Restore Your Spirit Into Us and Lead Us

Dear Jesus, please help us today. We desire to be poured out, and we want to know your call on our lives, and to use the gifts that you have given us for your glory.  Would you protect our families and hold us together. Lead us to surrender and trust you in all circumstances. Please drive us to repentance of all that is in us that is not pleasing or of your Spirit. Jesus, please restore your Spirit into us and help us to lead our wives and children into you chambers  and to also be pleasing to you. Protect us from ourselves and give us the right desire to grow into your heart and way of living. We thank you Lord Jesus.

Mark 3

Oh God How Old Are We Now? Cultivate the Good Soil

Oh God, our Father, You see us now and know everything about us. We just bow before you in prayer. Can you touch our hearts to love or are we too hard, too full of ourselves? Please end us, and bring forth your life in us. Bring forth fruit through us for others and for your glory. Bring pleasing aromas for your senses through us. 

How old are we now? Have we lived half our lives or more, or are we young? The nature of our flesh and this world can stunt or walk and journey with you if we are not careful. We ask, ‘where has flourishing gone, and fruit bearing ended up? Where is joy, love and power? You know what causes stunting in our hearts, and what soil we have within us right now.  Please heal our hearts. Please cultivate good soil in our souls so that our hearts will accept and produce fruit for you today.  Give us the measure to use and teach us to love. Take all the cares of our hearts and start us over in your life and Spirit. Wash us. Clean us. Restore us. Without you we have nothing and can do nothing. Please bless our families Lord God into a living faith… A saving faith. We name them before you now. Thank you dear Father and for your son Jesus Christ! 

Mark 4

We Desire and Need Only You Jesus

Do not leave your chamber without inquiring of the Sovereign Lord  / Serve others until exhausted, but always be replenished. Be filled up continually through the Word of God and Prayer. Rest. /
Have a faith that can be tested.

We desire to please you Jesus for you have given us everything of yourself. You have given us all things good and eternal. Blessed be your name! We need you to give us faith for in you there is all authority, healing, recovery, restoration. We are hungry oh God, and you are the Bread of Life Jesus. We need our true hunger satisfied desperately. Jesus, you know that people need you. Please continue to perform what needs to be done in the lives of people everywhere in this world today.  By that miracle of compassionate love may it draw us closer to you and produce and strengthen the faith in us needed for the salvation of our souls, and the restoration and sanctification of our souls. We need your Salvation. We need YOU Jesus.

Mark 6

Cause Us to Abide in You Dear Lord

Dear Lord Jesus, we cannot, but you can! Where and when we are incapable you are able to perform. I pray that what you desire for our hearts and lives would come to its fullness. We can feel and become so overwhelmed by the circumstances of life,  and by the inabilities within ourselves. Your command to abide in you will make all the difference, yet even to abide in you well is the most challenging thing to do in ourselves and in this world. But what we cannot do you can! Teach us to abide moment by moment in every day.  Please bring into us a strong desire and hunger to abide in you. Create in us that blessed thirst, that can only be quenched by you Jesus, within our  minds, hearts, bodies and souls. Cause all the distractions in our lives to become uninteresting, boring, and insignificant. We and our loved ones need you and only you Dear Jesus. Please bless us with you, for only you can be our truest eternal blessing of life and peace, joy and satisfaction. You are our only hope, our eternity, our very life and breath. Please magnify yourself so that we may notice you and entrust our complete selves to you. Thank you Dear Lord Jesus

Mark 7

To Be Called and To Follow

Mark 1:17,20; 2:14, 17; 3:3,13; 6:7

“There is an aspect of Jesus that chills the heart of the disciple to the core and makes the whole spiritual life gasp for breath. This strange Being with his face “set like a flint” and His striding determination strikes terror into me. He is no longer Counselor and Comrade, He is taken up with a point of view I know nothing about, and I am amazed at Him. At first I was confident I understood Him, but now I am not so sure. I begin to realize there is a distance between Jesus Christ and me; I can no longer be familiar with Him. He is ahead of me and He never turns around; I have no idea where He is going, and the goal has become strangely far off.” Oswald Chambers

“The response of the disciple is an act of obedience, not a confession of faith in Jesus.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“The disciples response to Jesus’ ‘ Follow Me’ is a testimony to the absolute, direct, and unaccountable authority of Jesus. The call is all. Jesus is the reason. The only way to follow is to leave everything and follow him. Here is a call that makes short work of all our questions, objections, and evasions. Disciples are not so much those who follow as those who must follow.” Oz Guiness

“Have you experienced the discipline of dismay? If we have never had the experience of taking our commonplace religious shoes off our commonplace religious feet, and getting rid of all the undue familiarity with which we approach God, it is questionable whether we have ever stood in His presence. The people who are flippant and familiar are those who have never yet been introduced to Jesus Christ.” Oswald Chambers. 

Mark 1-6

All for Love - Part I

These "All for Love" posts are a series of notes I've compiled from various sources over a period of time. They are meant to encourage when discouraged, to uplift when down, to strengthen when weak,  to bless faith when it is in crisis, and to create a pathway inside the heart that will allow the love of God to flow no matter the circumstances. They are meant for quiet reflection and prayer for those who are seeking the Lord, yet don't sense His presence; to reconcile the heart back to God, and to be a help for reconciling relationships.

Learning to live in the Abundant Life Christ has promised us through Him is not any easy process. It is indeed a most real and hard process. It is along journey to learn to trust God completely, to wait for God in confident peace, and to persevere through pain and suffering for Him, and in a way that grows the faith, hope and love He has given to us in Christ. My prayer is that, by the Spirit of God, the circumstances in your life will not tear down the faith, hope and love you have for Jesus in your heart. That by the Spirit of God, you will embrace the process God has put into motion for your life, which will produce trust, waiting and perseverance for Him. Let us spur one another on, by prayer, to be careful and engaged with the Lord about what He is working into us so that we can experience the Abundant Life now.

All for Love - Part II

In most marathons you cannot see the finish line

Change happens with consistent choices not just with confession

Don't let emotion control decisions

Don't listen to everyone

Don't expect a quick fix

What are we really fighting about?

What are the real issues?

What we focus on is what we'll see.

Focus on the real issues.

We can beware when we become aware.

"I don’t feel loved, liked or respected."

To do the right thing, find out what the real problem is. Don’t focus on the things that are symptoms or distractions or hurts ( porn, anger, neglect, frustration, expectations, loss, disappointment etc)

What have I done to cause my spouse to feel unloved, disliked, disrespected?

There are 4 areas of a person's life: 1. The Open Area ( I know and others know about me), 2. The Hidden Area ( I know and others don’t know about me), 3. The Blind Side ( I don’t know but others know about me), The Unknown ( I don’t know and others don’t know about me)

Listen without defensiveness and with trust.

If it's an unknown, blind, or hidden part about me then I need someone who will not be defensive and will listen with trust and  love

Have conversation with a lot of listening.

People don’t leave unless they think what they are going to is better. (Affairs)  

Focus on me. Get some control on me.  God begins change with me not others.

Look at physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual ( pies). Work on me on behalf of glorifying God. Not on behalf of my spouse or others.

My spouse may have needs I’m not aware of or that I don’t understand. I may have to regroup and show care and respect for the other by adapting to their needs.

Believe that change can happen in me with forgiveness, love, and trust

Write a Letter: these are the things I did not do right. Apologize once. Don’t beat myself up.

Don’t fake it ‘til you make it. Be authentic in a healthy way. If I stow it I will blow it.

Learn how to communicate hurt without hurting the other person. Communicate understanding.

Be willing to allow God to change me. Don’t pray for others to change. Pray for myself to change.

1. Discover right problem 2. Focus on me. Be the best me. 3. Get some help. The right help.

Information can be detrimental or beneficial. Go to time tested proven result information. Biblical Principals.

A PhD knows how to discern valid vs invalid information.

I could read a book on child birth but that doesn’t make me a child birth expert.

No matter what my marriage looks like right now it is no indicator of the future. What will I do to create a relationship and put action to faith?

And the sacrifice must be worked through my will before I actually perform it.

When God spoke, Abraham did not “confer with flesh and blood” (Galatians 1:16). Beware when I want to “confer with flesh and blood” or even my own thoughts, insights, or understandings— anything that is not based on my personal relationship with God. These are all things that compete with and hinder obedience to God.

Abraham did not choose what the sacrifice would be.

If God has made my cup sweet, drink it with grace; or even if He has made it bitter, drink it in communion with Him. If the providential will of God means a hard and difficult time for me, go through it. But never decide the place of my own martyrdom, as if to say, “I will only go to there, but no farther.” God chose the test for Abraham, and Abraham neither delayed nor protested, but steadily obeyed.

I must go through the trial before I have any right to pronounce a verdict, because by going through the trial I learn to know God better. God is working in me to reach His highest goals until His purpose and my purpose become one.

The most valuable commodity I have is my time.

I’m responsible for my own choices within the court I’ve been given. Boundaries and trust.

All for Love - Part III

God's answer is simple, but in order for him to bring us to a place of accepting it, he must first put us through a series of courses that will exhaust us, leaving us despairing of self and others and prepared to listen to whatever God says with a believing heart. It is not until man refuses to trust himself that he will begin to trust God. Many unbelieving Christians are merely in the process of learning to give up on themselves.

Regain the lost simplicity of faith and repossess the joy that is mine in Christ.

The end result for Israel was their banishment to the wilderness where they had to learn particular lessons that would once again turn their hope and faith to God.

The ignorant, the untalented and the ungifted, and the rich and the poor are all on equal footing when it comes to living the victorious life.

All knowledge needs to move 18 inches lower than the brain into the heart!

True Christian counseling leaves the person looking to Christ, not to himself. I have always found puzzling the measure of hostility that can be raised among Christians when they hear Jesus is all we need. We are commanded to cast our anxiety on the Lord, not on psychology.

The believer who has lost his joy and victory in Christ too often looks where things appear to be clearest, not at the source of defeat. Looking in the wrong places never yields the key to success, and just because there is a measure of light, this is no reason to continue down the wrong path.

A critical spirit is born when one eats of the good side of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and then expects self and others to perform it. There is a deep blindness that comes from eating from the good side of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil... that forbidden tree.

God doesn’t want us to do good works, but what makes the work fitting is not the content but the origin; when the source of the work is faith as Christ expresses himself through us, then it is acceptable 1 Thessalonians 1:3

The deception from eating from the good side of this forbidden tree is in many ways worse than doing evil. It becomes false religion.

Witches study the evil side of the tree to gain more knowledge of evil; some so called theologians study the good side of the tree to gain more knowledge of good, but there is no lasting difference between the two. Again, the question must be asked, are today’s teaching yielding more additions to God’s standard or promoting performance that would apply equally as well to the Hindu? Are they from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, or are they from the other tree, the Tree of Life?

If we are living out of his life, we need not worry; the action, no matter how insignificant in our eyes, will always be good. The source must be from Christ’s life.

This principle is at work among all legalistic teachers; the greater they place above God’s standard, the farther they fall.

The enemy loves to see us eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Just as there are levels of evil for man to commit, so there are levels of good. The Christian who gave his life to Christ strived to be a +10 on the good scale. The problem is that to the level of good one arrives, to that same level of evil he will tend to fall, so before he knows he is back down to -10.

Spirituality comes from the Spirit of Christ not from a certain set of circumstances.

A big name for eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil is bipolar manic depression.

The supernatural life is manifested in the small, often unseen areas of our lives in such things as peace, mercy, and lack of condemnation when wronged.

The first few miracles Moses performed were duplicated by pharaohs magicians. In the same way, Satan can duplicate the large, spectacular signs and visions by which many judge spirituality. We must remember that we have a relationship with our God.

When we are in the perfect will of God, we hear and feel nothing. Wisdom is shown after one makes a decision. You should wait prayerfully seven days before acting, giving God a chance to close the door. He is the Creator and we are the creature. We make God much too small if we cannot trust him to direct our path.

Prayer is simple when experienced at zero. Not -10 or +10.  It is more hearing and talking. The talking part comes as we let requests be known to God; the hearing comes as we rest before him very quietly, slowly reading scripture, and allowing the Holy Spirit to speak.

Let me explain that an unbelieving believer is someone who is a Christian, is born again, and will arrive in heaven; the problem is that this person has never believed in the Lord Jesus with his whole being. That is, with his mind he receives and believes all that is told him about the grace, care, concern, and love of the Lord Jesus-he is a believer. And yet at the same time, he feels that he is in charge of every aspect of this Christian life-that he must change the lives of those around him, bring transformations into his own life, and work to make himself pleasing to God. That is, in his emotions he is unbelieving.

All for Love - IV

I believe that heaven will be filled with people who are forgiven and born-again but never entered salvation in their daily lives. They are those who did not find Jesus as their daily Savior from vexing sins that control, the guilt that follows, and the unavoidable and escapable bondage. Being born again will get us into heaven according to John 3, but we need salvation from the things that currently oppress.

Repeating failure can cause our hearts to condemn us. We need not only forgiveness, but freedom from all that took us to the point of death.

What would be the loss to my life if I believed that salvation is only for a future time? Very great, but I would continue to suffer defeat today, looking forward to freedom in the future; when all the while I could have lived in victory had I seen the Savior as someone who delivers today and every day until the final deliverance from this body.

Salvation is to be a daily experience that must be supernatural. John 15:5 “apart from me you can do nothing.” But if we are full of unbelief, then those words will in our minds sound like a blessing, but in our emotions sound like a curse.

If, however, you are an unbelieving believer, then you have not been able to look to God to meet your deepest needs. Where have you looked to have these needs met? How are you coping with the world around you? What do you do in the midst of the severest defeat? To what are you turning when under extreme pressure? Where do you find comfort? How do you exist in a world where God is relevant only for the future to keep you out of hell? How do you live among humanity that seems to be pitted against your every move?

Whenever we are hurt, we must find some way of coping with that hurt. The thing that we run to when injured is our idol.

This man was enticed with pornography because in the past it had worked to relieve his hurts; thus, he would be susceptible to returning to it.

God will not allow any idol to meet the Christian’s needs!

It has been said that there are only four types of people in the world. The first says, “I, not Christ!“ This group includes such people as Buddhists, Hindus, Agnostics, and Atheists. The second says, “I and Christ!“ These will let Christ be fire insurance to keep them out of hell, but will take care of everything else themselves. The third type says, “Christ and I!“ These are the most miserable Christians, for they want Christ to be Lord, and yet if he does not act according to their plan when they think he should, out come the idols. The fourth kind says, “Christ, not I!" Having learned the secret of dependence upon and trust in Christ alone, they enter into God’s rest and cast all anxiety upon him.

An idol can be anything, for it is what we run to other than Christ when under pressure or pain.

There are normally two elements comprising any hurt; the first is pain and the second is rejection.

There’s only one thing readily available to purge both pain and rejection. It is quite popular because it normally cost nothing monetarily, and we are assured covertly from all sides that it will indeed heal us of our hurt. That one thing is sex.

There are easily recognizable idols that are very ugly and repulsive, which come from the evil side of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. There are, however, idols that do not appear to be all that bad at first glance. These are in many ways more common because they are easily excused or accepted, or harmless or even beneficial when not used as substitutes for God. Included in this list are food, shopping, television, radio, clothes, control, lying, manipulation, withdrawing, contention, exploding, reading, slander, fantasy, and greed. A particular thing may be an idol for one person but not the next, depending on whether or not it is used to meet inner needs.

An unbelieving believer runs to their idols when under pressure. God will not allow his children to worship idols, and therefore will withhold his peace from those who do. Ezekiel 20:8 “but they rebelled against me and were not willing to listen to me; they did not cast away the detestable things of their eyes, nor did they forsake the idols of Egypt.”

Ezekiel was given a vision that told him to dig through a wall in the temple and describe what he saw. “So I entered and looked and behold every form of creeping thing, and beasts, and detestable thing, with all the idols of the house of Israel were carved on the wall all around”...Ezekial 8:10. In the very temple of God, Israel had hidden her idols!

Even in a heterosexual relationship, contrary to what is popularly taught, sex for the man is much more emotional than physical. When he is rejected it is a blow to his identity, not his sex drive. He feels unacceptable and worthless, then angry, depressed, and withdrawn. Hence, Paul’s command, “Stop depriving one another… “ in 1 Corinthians 7:5.

Therefore, God must do for us what he did for Israel, allowing us to wander in the wilderness to depend upon the self-made idols, which fail us over and over again until we cast them aside and once again make him the focus of our lives.

Just as then, God must put his people in one miserable situation after another until we are forced to the conclusion that God alone must receive our full trust.

What items do you run to under stress and pressure? We all have them, and, as believers, we are in the process of laying them aside.

Are you willing to give up all but the Lord Jesus Christ? If you are, then you are ready to enter into the promised land, the place of real rest, that domain where God is all in all.

Unfortunately, many today have more faith in Satan’s ability to deceive than in God’s ability to hear and act; more confidence in Satan’s proficiency in taking a believer away from God then in Christ’s capability to keep. But this is not the case; our Father in heaven is infinitely more powerful than our enemy. All we need to tap into the power of the Father is simple faith, which begins with the words in our mouths. The problem many of us have with faith is that if our experience does not immediately follow our request, then we believe God has not really heard us, and once again we offer up the prayer. Let me emphasize that the power in prayer is not in how it is said or in the person who says it; the power of prayer rests wholly in the one who hears it. And it is the Father in heaven who has commanded us to message him for one reason, that he might hear and answer.

That you may not feel God hears you means nothing. The power in prayer is that God himself hears you!

All for Love - Part V

Let’s imagine that you signed a contract with me which states that I now own all your earthly possessions. Just because I don’t come for them tonight, doesn’t mean that I will not come at all. I simply maybe in no hurry to claim them. They may remain in your house, but they have now become my property. The same is true of the idols that we give God. They may remain in our being, but remember that God has accepted them and will take them away as he sees fit.

A Brother in Christ who once came to me for discipling had a very severe physical condition which made him quite uncomfortable. During the course of our conversation, I asked if he had given to God his desire to get well. He did not immediately understand, and I explained that he must be willing to be in that physical condition for the rest of his life. His worship and love of God could not carry any price tag, but the evidence that it did was his indignation over not being delivered. The brother became angry and left, stating that God should heal him! A few days later he returned glowing and reporting that the previous night he had lain before the Lord, given him his right to get well, and immediately was made well.

A wife does not know what she is like when her husband brings her flowers, but only when he knocks a quart of milk off the table with his elbow. A husband does not know what he is like when his wife has done all that he desires, but rather when she is 30 minutes late picking him up from work.

I have found among the defeated whom I disciple more than 90% of the time their concepts of God really describe their fathers, or if not, their mothers or some other influential figures in their lives. All we can know of authority is what we have learned from those in control around us. Does it not then makes sense that when we are commanded to call God our Father in heaven, this would stir our emotions?

I like to read through 1 Corinthians 13 with those who have an unrealistic concept of God, because if he is love, then this chapter must describe him. Any of us who are under discipline, stress, disease, or physical handicap can be assured that he is allowing it for our good.

The way out of emotional unbelief is quite simple. We need only confess as sin our wrong feelings of who God is and profess who he really is. The depth of our unbelief is truly revealed in how we respond to God when we fail. If we wallow, cut ourselves off from him, and traffic in self punishment, we  reveal the dark depths of unbelief. For in all our self punishment we prove that our acceptance never rested in the Son of God, but rather on how well we could perform.

If we remain miserable with such a great God, we can blame no one but ourselves! It is a great step of faith to go against all the lying emotions you have concerning who God is, and to just open that door to his life one time, for one time is all it will take for you to discover the abundant life that you have searched so long for.

Many times we seek and do not find because we do not know what finding is. For example, there are those who will never believe God is actually near them throughout the day unless they have a predetermined stirring in their emotions. When it comes to faith the same is true; many busy themselves trying to find more faith, when they have had all they needed right along.

Faith is an organ of the Holy Spirit allowing us to receive whatever God is doing. It is like an ear or in eye. When you lay down in bed at night, your ears rest, but never sleep. If someone starts to break into your house, your ears awaken you in order that you might act! The ear does not create sound, but receives it. Faith itself, not quantity of faith, is the issue.

Faith is a wonderful thing, something that every believer possesses. It takes the pressure off us to perform and initiate his works, and places emphasis on God, the Creator of the actions.

If faith is simply receiving what God desires to do, then do you see how important your concept of God is when it comes to the issues of daily life? You have been grafted into a Vine that possesses all the life you need.

Imagine walking into a room when the Lord himself steps in behind you, turns out the lights, closes the door and locks it, and then completely removes from you the awareness of his nearness, emotional responses to him, and the consciousness that he hears you! You work and work as hard as you can to regain the awareness; there is, however, one major perplexity. As long as you work to experience his presence, you extend your time in the dark room, because it’s purpose is to teach you to walk by faith, not by sight or feeling. Oh, yes, there is one other thing. When you have tried almost everything to regain emotional awareness, the enemy slips in and says things like, “if only you had not done such and such, God would be near to you,"  "if only you had not moved to such and such a place, he would be with you,“ “If only you had married another person, everything would be much better. ““If only you had not filled the Lord, he would be pleased to be near you now," "if only you had prayed more and memorized more scriptures, you would sence the Lord‘s presence.“ You repent over every imaginable sin and punish yourself with the most severe forms of guilt. You want to perform in order to get God’s acceptance. Many who boast of breathtaking faith, telling magnificent stories of all they have accomplished because of their awesome belief are crushed and dismantled in this room. And why not? How long can a man who trusts in himself walk in darkness and not stumble and be overcome, broken, and humbled? Yes, here you walk in absolute darkness, one that can even be felt. This type of darkness Job knew all too well: “my face is flushed from weeping, and deep darkness is on my eyelids.“ 16:16. “He has blocked my way so that I cannot pass; and has put darkness on my paths.“ 19:8 "When I waited for light then darkness came." 30:26.

This prolonged the state of darkness will test us and reveal any unbelief that might reside with them. The longer the period of darkness and absence of emotion, the more will be revealed. We will again try series of procedures to regain our emotional standing, all of which will be telling of what we really trust in our daily lives to bring contentment, and which God, of course, will not allow to succeed. It may be revealed that we trust idols, those things in which we find some measure of comfort. Isaiah 42:17. Perhaps we trust in particular brothers or sisters who, we are sure, can get us out of our present calamity. Jeremiah 9:4; Micah 7:5, and yet we find that they have no answers.

In the midst of misfortune we do not simply remain silent and wait, but instead begin to blame God for the whole situation. We, like Job, begin to curse the day we were made and even accuse him of the grave mistake of making us. We can go so far as to become angry with God, charging him with not caring and doing nothing. You can become withdrawn. “You have said, it is vain to serve God; and what profit is it that we have kept his charge, and that we have walked in mourning before the Lord of hosts?" Malachi 3:14. We become sick of the whole situation. Blind, irrational, and void of hope, it becomes impossible any longer to see God‘s hand in this process. We must have our eyes opened!

Though Paul wrote the letter to Philemon in a prison and chained to a Roman guard he proclaimed that he was a prisoner of Jesus Christ and the Gospel!! Instead, he saw Jesus Christ! The man of faith never sees bondage to anything but God himself. You see, nothing comes into your life without first passing through the loving hands of your Father in heaven.