All for Love - Part II

In most marathons you cannot see the finish line

Change happens with consistent choices not just with confession

Don't let emotion control decisions

Don't listen to everyone

Don't expect a quick fix

What are we really fighting about?

What are the real issues?

What we focus on is what we'll see.

Focus on the real issues.

We can beware when we become aware.

"I don’t feel loved, liked or respected."

To do the right thing, find out what the real problem is. Don’t focus on the things that are symptoms or distractions or hurts ( porn, anger, neglect, frustration, expectations, loss, disappointment etc)

What have I done to cause my spouse to feel unloved, disliked, disrespected?

There are 4 areas of a person's life: 1. The Open Area ( I know and others know about me), 2. The Hidden Area ( I know and others don’t know about me), 3. The Blind Side ( I don’t know but others know about me), The Unknown ( I don’t know and others don’t know about me)

Listen without defensiveness and with trust.

If it's an unknown, blind, or hidden part about me then I need someone who will not be defensive and will listen with trust and  love

Have conversation with a lot of listening.

People don’t leave unless they think what they are going to is better. (Affairs)  

Focus on me. Get some control on me.  God begins change with me not others.

Look at physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual ( pies). Work on me on behalf of glorifying God. Not on behalf of my spouse or others.

My spouse may have needs I’m not aware of or that I don’t understand. I may have to regroup and show care and respect for the other by adapting to their needs.

Believe that change can happen in me with forgiveness, love, and trust

Write a Letter: these are the things I did not do right. Apologize once. Don’t beat myself up.

Don’t fake it ‘til you make it. Be authentic in a healthy way. If I stow it I will blow it.

Learn how to communicate hurt without hurting the other person. Communicate understanding.

Be willing to allow God to change me. Don’t pray for others to change. Pray for myself to change.

1. Discover right problem 2. Focus on me. Be the best me. 3. Get some help. The right help.

Information can be detrimental or beneficial. Go to time tested proven result information. Biblical Principals.

A PhD knows how to discern valid vs invalid information.

I could read a book on child birth but that doesn’t make me a child birth expert.

No matter what my marriage looks like right now it is no indicator of the future. What will I do to create a relationship and put action to faith?

And the sacrifice must be worked through my will before I actually perform it.

When God spoke, Abraham did not “confer with flesh and blood” (Galatians 1:16). Beware when I want to “confer with flesh and blood” or even my own thoughts, insights, or understandings— anything that is not based on my personal relationship with God. These are all things that compete with and hinder obedience to God.

Abraham did not choose what the sacrifice would be.

If God has made my cup sweet, drink it with grace; or even if He has made it bitter, drink it in communion with Him. If the providential will of God means a hard and difficult time for me, go through it. But never decide the place of my own martyrdom, as if to say, “I will only go to there, but no farther.” God chose the test for Abraham, and Abraham neither delayed nor protested, but steadily obeyed.

I must go through the trial before I have any right to pronounce a verdict, because by going through the trial I learn to know God better. God is working in me to reach His highest goals until His purpose and my purpose become one.

The most valuable commodity I have is my time.

I’m responsible for my own choices within the court I’ve been given. Boundaries and trust.