BREATH

My new little boy was born 4/10. I held him for the first time on 4/20. It's his 13th day in NICU. It was great to hold him. When I did my heart leaped toward him. He was born with lung illness which is not uncommon, but here I am with my wife experiencing something new that is not easy. Ventilators, IV's, Retraction, O2, Life or death all depending on breath. It's been tolerable cause it's a common condition and the Dr's have seen it all before. So they are reassuring and hopeful.....because he is showing improvement. But, if my boy was going into more negative health- even into death- I would hope to choose to experience that in God's strength, with thankfulness and sorrowful tears, because I have already given my son back to Jesus. The truth I lean on is that Landon is Jesus' who cares for him the most. Another truth I am leaning on during this time is so comforting. It's that God never changes. I trust that whatever comes my way, whether easy or hard ,it will not change God, but rather will give me the opportunity to respond in faithfulness and growth toward Jesus Christ.

I thank the Lord for this experience. It's showing me where my faith and endurance are. It's also showing me who my family truly is: all those who have come around to intercede for Landon's health in Jesus' name. I believe all these prayers are making a difference because it's only in the name of Jesus Christ and all that he represents that there is true power for healing physically, emotionally, and spiritually in life.

No one remembers their early early years too well... if at all. Knowing this gives me some peace because my little guy won't remember the difficulty, discomfort, pain of ventilators, pokes and prodding IVs and little surgeries that he is going thru. What's interesting in this for me is that while I'm aware of the ETERNAL value of Landon's life, he is going through things that he won't remember. I will remember it but he won't. I will remember all the feelings I had while he was going through his bout to stay alive. I don't remember all the inconveniences in my life so what's the point? The point is that the Bible in the Psalms reveal that Jesus knows what my son is going through and cares for him more than I do. God feels for Landon more than I do. That's what really has been impacting to me. Jesus, Landon's Creator, will remember what he went through as an infant just as he remembers my infancy and yours. This matters because it reveals that God cares and is merciful. The more I start thinking about this the more I appreciate Jesus Christ, because who really cares about conception to 3 yrs like he does? Of course the parents, nurses and doctors do, but the reality is that God put all these key people into place for Landon's sake and all of our care. I never think about those early early years because I don't have a memory of it. I can't remember the last time I thanked God for watching over me in the womb and through my "no memory" days. I really take it for granted and don't give enough thanks to him because those moments were the most critical to my overall life.

Spiritually speaking, each one of us is so young in faith. Some people have not even been born into FAITH yet! Their faith has yet to be conceived but one day will be! Maybe when we get to heaven the Glory and Purity and Awesomeness of God will be so all consuming that we won't remember much of what we went through during our 75+/- years of physical life here on earth. Much of me says that everything I will experience here on this earth is part of a spiritual birth process or preperation process for living in eternal faithfulness in heaven. Could it be that our whole lives on earth, with it's every experience, can be likened to our first 3 years of life? My first memories are from 3yrs and on. Conception to 3 years is empty, but it is there. And as I am learning, those first 3 years of my life were the most important to my physical, social, spiritual and...overall development as a person. In this context, it makes good sense to me WHY everything I do in this life will count and have eternal ramifications. If I eat well as an infant more then likely I will have a good nutritional base for the rest of my life: healthy bones, nerves, blood cells, etc. That's a sobering thought because the same is true spiritually: the more I read, trust and apply God's Word before I die the more glory God will get from my life in my eternity with him.

Jesus knows each of us so intimately...more intimately then we know ourselves! Does that knowledge make it easier for you to entrust and yield your life to him if you haven't done so already? He really cares for you more then you care for yourself! My son does not know how much I love him, but I do greatly and I can't wait for him to know and learn of my love! So in speaking of Jesus, what a Caretaker he is! Even while you were in your mother's womb HE WAS THERE forming you for his purposes! Read Psalm 139:

O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night—but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you. You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me! O God, if only you would destroy the wicked! Get out of my life, you murderers! They blaspheme you; your enemies misuse your name. O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you? Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you? Yes, I hate them with total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

The Bible reveals that the deepest desire that God has is to become a Father to the fatherless and then to love his adopted children with all his strength. As I was saying, Landon does not know that I love him right now but one day he will. At one point in my life I did not know how much God really loved me. Then as I grew and became more aware I learned about his love for me and that he had to give up his own life so that I could have the opportunity to receive his love. The older my son gets I hope that it will be a blessing to him to realize how much I love him. I hope it breathes life into him and assurance. I will do everything to make it so he knows that he knows that he knows that he is loved unconditionally.

I pray that you will act on that desire you have to get to know the love that your Creator has for you. His name is Jesus Christ and you will learn about him more in the Bible. You must read it for yourself to learn about him. I pray you will trust him enough to breathe his breath of life into you.

Our journey with Landon:
http://carolsphotos.smugmug.com/gallery/4704969_rqmGh#P-1-15